You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
