I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
