apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
