I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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