he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
