I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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