Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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