kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
