Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
