Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i dont even know how to be here
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
