woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
