You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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