I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
