Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
