she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
