im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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