I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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