i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
