I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
