I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
