I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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