mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
