Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
