just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
