i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
