so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
