Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
