Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
