That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
