I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Watching her eat just hurts me
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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