I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
