Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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