So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
