i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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