When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
