Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
