Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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