dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
