First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
