I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
