just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
