Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
