They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
