I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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