I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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