i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
