I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
