Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
