Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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