she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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